smoke-filled lungs sigh heavy
anticipation sewn through
knicking at bone
bound and restrained yet
pour out sideways
washing over every nerve
lapping up all dread
power exuding from every second of surrender
ecstacy in its acceptance
“it is always by way of pain
that one arrives at pleasure”
guilt rises, subsides
a dark curiousity gnaws away at your insides
ç’est trop tard se retourner
hot sleepless nights
sweat trickling from every pore
shiftless in the daylight
in the evening, nerves trembling with trepidation, with excitement
freshly washed bodies swaying in the breeze like jarcanda blossoms
two electrodes sharing a thousand volts with one look
crashing into each other from the heavens
a hailstrom, a meteor shower
an ever burning flame
spring has come and gone
like two birds fluttering through the sky
we danced love-drunk passed midnight, kissing, laughing, stumbling through the dark on our way to the car
lost in the darkness of hair/eyes/mouths, endlessly
holding onto each other while the world shakes and shutters beneath us,
holding onto others, hungry, yearning, subversive
will I be broken in the morning?
no, the revolution still pulsing through my body, my blood, my mind
as I curl up with a copy of Giovanni’s Room and welcome summer
I want to grab fear by the throat
hold it close
caress its skin
stroke its hair and whisper everything will be alright if it gives in
I want to roam free
Hear nothing but moans of yes and please
feel the electricity emanating from deep within
unburdening myself with ease
Lost in power, drunk on control
stranger to preconceived notions and foolish idealisms
bringing life to its knees
eager and panting
I want to sleep in peace
covered in sweat, body exhausted
past buried, flesh dissolved
a corpse unrecognizable
So what’s our safeword going to be?
r a w l u s t
drinking in wine and heat
gnawing at the insides, propagating til it’s slipping out through every crevice
selfish, all encompasing,
r a g i n g d e s i r e
same old mistakes bathed in
laughing from the bridge at drowned insecurities
everything in technicolor for the first time
is it wrong to want to feel alive?
hands tied, legs free.
Strange path never tread before.
No certainty except passion.
Running through wilderness.
Feeling anxious, yet eager for the next big adventure.
Running full force into nothing, unafraid.
raised in quicksand, ill-treated, beaten, but never broken.
dreams may take time to materialize, but I’m steadfast,
rejection letters and vanishing editors can’t hold me back.
thankless days spent 9-5,
climbed up out of wreckage for much more than this,
vacations missed to make ends meet,
still I persist.
I’m not done yet.
Red wine passes through my lips, heals the hurt of the day,
this is not to say I recommend you mend all wounds with wine –
Knew a man who couldn’t put down his favorite way to block the pain, died of it.
But this full-bodied cabernet distills my insides,
Keeps work, debt, worry at bay.
So I sip as I sit, and melt away.